Village Connect
Why is ‘Full-Time Moms VS Working Moms’ a Futile Debate
The Mommy Wars should be extinct by now. We should put an end to the tension between mothers who stay at home and their work-for-pay counterparts.
There is no doubt that more moms are bringing in steady incomes for their families today. This is way, way different from the mothers of the previous millennium – or even centuries-where they are expected to spend a lifetime taking care of their husbands and children.
At present, in some instances, mothers could leave the house to provide for the family and fathers are left in charge of the household chores and the children. No problem. More and more people are becoming more accepting of the new gender roles that people of a long time ago thought were impossible to happen.
Perhaps the strongest argument on the non-relevance of full-time moms versus working moms debate is this: Motherhood is not based on one’s working experience. If a mother chooses to get hired and be employed, it does not make her less of a mother.
Likewise, a mother who decides to assume traditional roles and stay at home is not a bad mother, too. After all, mothers around the world would do what they think is best for their families.
The choice on whether to work or stay at home – or do both – has to be made by couples with respect to available opportunities and numerous circumstances. And there is no one-size-fits-all decision because chances and choices vary from one family to another.
Consequently, working moms should no longer bear the guilt of “coming up short” when it comes to their kids. A mother is not necessarily good if she meets the social expectation that women should be domestic.
Combining motherhood and career is no easy task, too.
How difficult it is to become a mother! When a baby comes out of a woman’s womb, there is no accompanying manual on how she will raise him or her. So no one should force rules onto someone else.
Mothers, read this: You are the mother of your own children. You know better – if not the best – for your children.
TWO MOMS SHARE THOUGHTS ON PARENTING, FEARS
In line with the celebration of Mother’s Day, Village Connect sat down with two mothers to share their thoughts on motherhood.
MOMMY DIVINE CABULOY, 40-year-old a mother of two kids.
MOMMY GRETCHEN FILART, 35-year-old Mom of a wonderful daughter.
We asked them a few questions, and here are the excerpts of their answers:
MOTHERHOOD IS UNIQUE TO EACH WOMAN. IN YOUR CASE, CAN YOU DESCRIBE YOUR ‘STYLE’ AS A MOTHER?
DIVINE CABULOY: I can say I am authoritative. I always put a lot of effort on maintaining a positive relationship with my children yet enforce rules and give consequences but I always weigh the feelings of my children into consideration. I believe in praise and reward systems. I see to it that I invest more time and energy to look after them even if I am at work, (thanks to technology nowadays). As a mother, I always try to prevent behavior problems before they start. Discipline is the key, as my husband, Leng, always says.
GRETCHEN FILART: I’m a huge believer of supporting my kid to be who she wants to be, not grooming her to be someone I envision. I allow for personal freedom, especially when it comes to individuality and how she looks (Unless, of course, she wants to get a tattoo. That’s something I can allow much later). I let her decide what to wear, if and when she wants to cut her hair if she wants to get her ears pierced or not. I try not to be overprotective and trust her to be smart and to figure things out on her own.
WHAT’S THE HARDEST THING ABOUT BEING A MOM?
GRETCHEN FILART: Trying to get rid of old habits and not repeating mistakes your parents may have made while raising you. And seeing my kid grow up so fast and grow more independent each day. I mean, it makes me happy, but it’s also bittersweet. She’d be building her own life away from me.
DIVINE CABULOY: The hardest thing being a Mother would be seeing your children suffer.
WHAT IS THE BEST PART ABOUT BEING A MOM?
GRETCHEN FILART: Motherhood lets you see the world from a new perspective and through a child’s eyes. And on days you least like yourself, you will always have someone to shower you with hugs and kisses and tell you “I love you. You are my favorite person in the world.”
DIVINE CABULOY: Oh, it’s the endless hugs, love, and kisses. Of course, seeing the success of your children, their milestones as you watch them grow and when you know that they are happy and content.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN STAYING HOME OR GOING TO WORK?
DIVINE CABULOY: I am a working mother, and I believe I can perform my duties and responsibilities but sometimes there are a trade-off. There are pros and cons. The only solution is to feel at peace with whatever decision you are making. In my case, I always talk to my husband about it.
It is not selfish to be a working mom, because not only the number of hours that you spend with your child is important, most important is the quality of the time. I don’t need to compare the amount of time spent with the child rather the amount of quality time.
Working moms can also have a lot amazing time with their kids. With other moms out there, I know this is a long debate. But in the end we are all Mothers who only want the best for our children.
GRETCHEN FILART: I am privileged to enjoy both worlds as a freelancer. I get to work at home and watch over my daughter full time. I like the financial freedom that comes with working, but I think the decision whether to work or stay at home is a personal one. It depends on the family’s needs and their preferences. Some mothers prefer to stay at home, some go to work. There is no right or wrong way to mother.
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR AS A MOTHER?
GRETCHEN FILART: My greatest fear is that something negatively life-altering will happen to her. I think it’s the same for all moms.
WHAT IS THE MOST REWARDING PART ABOUT BEING A MOTHER?
DIVINE CABULOY: When I see them grow with God, when they become successful with happiness in what they do, and when I see them settled with loving, responsible partners in their lives.
WHAT CAN YOU ADVICE TO YOUNG WOMEN TODAY WHO WANT TO BECOME MOTHERS ALSO?
GRETCHEN FILART: Everything they tell you about motherhood is true! It is difficult, nerve-wracking, and time-consuming. It can be lonely, too. There is no single book that can help you figure everything out. There will be people who will tell you you’re not doing it correctly and question you. You need to trust yourself and your child. You need to be able to forgive yourself at the end of each day and give yourself a pat in the back. Tell yourself that you did well this day, even if there were mishaps and mistakes. And start over again the next day.
DIVINE CABULOY: Whether you are young or not, every parent needs to be emotionally, physically, and financially stable. You should be committed and accepting the responsibility that parenthood brings. Motherhood is like a job.
You should love your job; you should put passion into it; you take charge. Do not compare yourself to others. Even the best parent in the world don’t have manuals. Stay committed and responsible. As there is a saying, “There are no perfect parents, and there are no perfect children, but there are plenty of perfect moments along the way.”
